Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tamara's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 11th, 2006
6:05 pm	Puerto Rico in Summation I've been in Peurto Rico for the last two weeks. I got to experience the drug point in a ghetto, was almost raped by 3 large peurto rican men, drank...alot, played in the sea, my friend got into a huuuge fight and the police were looking for us, visited a rainforest and went to the biggest satellite in the world. It's a craaazy place but I've enjoyed it thoroughly. Dano, you now make 100% sense. Also I'll be stopping at the duty free on the way back. So people should give me a call this week if they want to hang out and enjoy cheap, legally purchased alcohol. yaaaay! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
7:27 pm	All set up and ready to go. It's been so hard watching people trickle away. Excited about/dreading coming home. Will be back Monday evening. I'm curious to see what will happen over the summer. Definitely going to Puerto Rico...maybe NY/NJ...remote possibility of South America. Who knows. Home will be nice in some ways I think. Ready to get going. Current Mood: DrUUUUUUUUUnk...and sleepy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
1:04 pm	Ghettofabulisciousness 5000XXX9 With some weed sediment, a 4 dollar bottle of champagne and some bling I feel like a really shitty rapper and it brings joy to my heart. ( TGIM ) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
10:18 pm	If only we weren't always spun fermentational putrefaction: the theory that snake sperm evaporates, falls with rain, lands on bird eggs and the offspring are dragons. We started developmental biology and the new professor is amazing. In the first lecture he used the word splooge five times, imitated sperm (he's very tall and scrawny so when he wiggles around it's actually pretty convincing) four times and made some pretty good masturbation jokes. The class is amazing so far but it's becoming quite obvious that this is going to be a very, very difficult section. The amount of material he goes over in one lecture is insane. I have about 7 pages of notes from an 80 minute lecture. His labs look really complicated too... In Russian we're doing a lot more poetry/literature stuff. Today's class was on Daniil Kharms *swoon* the Russians' great absurd writer. We translated a story that made no sense. It had something to do with a ladies' man who made a woman's hair fall out just by looking at her. We're into the Roman literature/ early Christianity/ Judaism part of the Humanities class. We just read On the Nature of Things by Lucretius. The first section is spent bashing all of the presocratic thinkers (hated those bastards) so I pretty much <3 Lucretius. Plus he talks about soul particles. ooooo. I got my exams back and I actually did pretty well. The fact that I was physically/mentally imploding while I took them doesn't seem to have had much of an impact. The fact that first semester went ok despite all the crazy has me pretty pumped about round 2. ding ding. Spring is beautiful up here. It has been warm and sunny the last day or two. When I get out of class in the afternoon I can listen to music and go on the swings. I'm sure the rain will be back soon but that's alright. Current Mood: tip top Current Music: Grandaddy-A.M. 180 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
3:21 pm	I went to visit a neuropsychologist to ask him about what you have to do to work in that field. He gave me some good advice and described what he does. It definitely sounds like something I would want to do. He also said that he could explain how he diagnoses people and let me sit on some of his sessions with real patients (he mostly works with kids). He gave me some books to read and told me to email him at the beginning of the summer. Also, he looks kind of like a baby lemur: I'm excited. So far the new year has consisted of lounging, catching up on sleep, getting increasingly happy about various things, doing stupid little things that I enjoy and spending hours exploring i-tunes. Ready to get back to work. I feel terribly lazy. I'm excited about next semester. I'm in a much better frame of mind than I was at the beginning and there is much to look forward to. The subjects are getting more interesting, the parties are going to be amazing, I've found a group of friends that I can talk to, I can be 23 when necessary, I have a better idea of what direction I'm going in and things are, in general, looking pretty good. Current Mood: calm Current Music: belle and sebastian - the fox in the snow (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 31st, 2005
10:52 am	yeah, I could rock her like a doctor Went down town last night and partied with Ben and some new people. Absinthe and Egyptian hookah bar. I have the key card to booze land, VIP connections at strip clubs, and a very bright future. I have places to go, things to do, people I love dearly and things can only get better at this point. I don't really have anything to be depressed about, life is actually pretty good. The bad things that happened this year were temporary but immediate setbacks while the good things will only get better over time. Better to have learning experiences now than have to go through shit later when the stakes would be higher. So my prediction is that, should things continue to follow this trend, this is how my life will go: I'm looking forward to this coming year. I have a feeling I'm going to kick it's ass. My Resolutions: -go to Russia -go to South America -go to Canada -see more shows -be more assertive/take less shit -do ridiculously well in school -get the job at the neuropsychologist's office -be moderate in all things (especially immoderation) -continue to cut down on smoking -continue to indirectly bring about the end of the world. Now it's just a matter of procuring booze, cigars, fireworks, party hats and streamers : D I hope 2005 burns in hell. Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Monday, December 26th, 2005
10:25 am	1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? drugs. lots of drugs. 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think I wanted to become a better person...ha 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? nope 4. Did anyone close to you die? RIP Grandpa 5. What countries did you visit? Went to the British Virgin Islands 6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Automatic weapons...lots of them 7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? eh 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I didn't manage to kill myself and/or flunk out of college 9. What was your biggest failure? I feel pretty good about most of the things I've done 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? at the beginning of the year my intestines were dying 11. What was the best thing you bought? drugs. lots of drugs. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Ben. Don't know what I would have done without him 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....oh, that was a good one 14. Where did most of your money go? drugs. lots of drugs. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? doing well in a really tough school despite suffering a complete mental breakdown 16. What songs will always remind you of 2005? Beck's Guero CD 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? sadder ii. thinner or fatter? same iii. richer or poorer? richer, ha ha 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? feeling happy 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? trusting people 20. What are you glad you did more of in 2005? studying 21. How will you be spending Christmas? at home? 22. Did you fall in love in 2005? love is for masochists and pussies. 23. What was your favorite TV program? X-files! 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? with the fire of a thousand suns 25. What was the best book you read? The Iliad 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Neutral Milk Hotel 27. What did you want and get? drugs. lots of drugs. 28. What did you want and not get? happiness 29. What was your favorite film of this year? Brokeback Mountain...god I love cowboys 30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Dumpster diving then drank alone while home from treatment in Kansas 31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? people not being quite so fucking retarded 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Look what I got for $0.35 at The Bins! 33. What kept you sane? Ben and drugs. lots of drugs. 34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jaoquin Phoenix...cleft palates are hot 35. What political issue stirred you the most? drilling in Alaska 36. Who did you miss? I miss Ben, Dano, Clark, etc. etc. when I'm off at school. Miss friends there when I'm at home. 37. Who was the best new person you met? Maria. She has my back. 38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: The world is an evil, evil place populated almost exclusively by shitty people and one or two that make it worth getting up in the morning. I call the latter group my friends. 39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: And I knew the world was over so I took a look outside And watched the fires that were reaching Up to the weather vane and the tops of trees 40. I plan on ringing in 2006 with cigars, booze, and explosives. Gotta start the year off right... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
10:00 am	Merry Christmaaaaaas Merry Fucking Christmas Everybody! I've got a knife and I'm on the edge so don't fuck with me, k? ( Xmas with the Garfields ) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 24th, 2005
1:23 pm	So, what is everybody doing for NEW YEAR'S? (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
5:58 am	eh. Kind of want to go back to school. It's been nice being home but I can't imagine spending another 3 weeks in this place...ugh. I want to get back a week before school starts and have some solitary time in the dorms before everybody gets back. I can fix my room, hang out downtown, and read. Also, the school offers non academic classes the week before class resumes. It would be nice to settle in before the madness resumes. And here is what my buddy Kyle and I would look like as Captain Kirk and Dr.Spock. Photoshoping by Adams. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
4:13 pm	During my convalescence I've had the opportunity to get reacquainted with TV. It seems like the X-files are always on somewhere. I <3 Scully. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
7:55 pm	uuugh, sick : p keep waking up delirious and disoriented. I want this to be over. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 17th, 2005
1:53 am	*gurglegurglegurgle* (Comment on this)
Monday, December 12th, 2005
4:02 am	I SAW THE DANDY WARHOLS!11!!!!!1 Went to the Dandy Warhols show downtown with Angelique, Samara and Sarah (winter formal date). The performance was incredible. Courtney Taylor = Sexy Beast. God damn. it's now 4 a.m. I have a bottle of wine and a 12 pack of coronas to dispose of but I don't really feel like drinking. Have to go to the airport in 4 hours. Not in the least bit ready. oh dear. worn out, guess it's time to go home? don't know what else to do with myself. Current Mood: feel like shit, soul dead : P (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 10th, 2005
3:40 am	I've been captured by fairies... this girl is doing an art project about the death of imagination/fantasy due in the modern world. A couple of weeks ago she asked me to pose as a girl who is lured into another world by the technological equivalent of "fairies" (aka christmas lights). Once inside the Fairy World I get attacked by fairies who then kill me (human spirit killed by technology?). It's not the greatest premise but the pictures are NUTS and now I have my own set!!! Have a look! ( see how deep the rabbit hole goes ) (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 8th, 2005
4:15 am	So, this week has kind of sucked. Why? 1. Had a really nice SOBER talk with a guy in the library. We were listening to music and hanging out and getting work done for a couple of hours. I went out for a cigarette and he joined me. Hopes raised then he finally brings up his girlfriend...pfffffft... 2. Went to a party with buddies from my dorm. This weird guy from downstairs got wasted and kept sneaking up on me and biting me then grabbed and kissed me. I pretty much ran away. Ugh. 3. My friends seem to be getting drunk and making awkward confessions or asses of themselves or both. It feels like everyone is trying to turn their lives into a soap opera and I'm sick of that shit. I worry that I'm equally as guilty of this and am doing my best to stop. 4. Beginning to realize how incestuous small schools are. It kind of creeps me out that everybody has reports on how everybody else is in bed. People are constantly all up in each other's business and all of it is somehow spectacularly fucked up. 5. I have exams that I have yet to prepare for...at all : O 6. The idea of staying here is kind of gross and icky but going home is the same way if not more so. 7. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. As usual. 8. I've realized that I can't really ignore a lot of things anymore. In a way this good. A lot of people here have been really sheltered and have no experience whatsoever with the stuff that's going on. When they fall it will be harder and there will be a lot more riding on it. Still, I kind of wish I was still having fun with all of this but...eh. Now I'm just kind of bitter, frazzled and generally disillusioned. 9. In the common room today some girl I've seen a couple of times made a comment about how, out of everyone, I looked the most like a drug addict. Somebody mentioned the Courtney Love resemblance and she laughed, saying "oh yeah, I totally see it." I don't have anything in my system and haven't in awhile (besides alcohol) but I feel like people make assumptions like this a lot. It annoys me because I'm trying to be the inverse and apparently it doesn't seem to show/matter. 10. Taken to a sleep every third day strategy. Slightly worried about a potential crash though. night night. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
2:06 pm	omgs winter fooormaaaal!!!!!!! my date and I. Is she not ridiculously gorgeous? that's my girl! Maria and I People were sooo ridiculously drunk at the dance. Swing music must be what they play in hell. Had to escape the predatory sketchy seniors. Today will be spent working and what not. Oh, and Jarthur pinned me on theb floor and drew 9/11 on my chest in permanent marker. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 4th, 2005
5:13 am	I hallucinated THREE times yesterday. I keep seeing cats where there are no cats. Ran into Adams downstairs. He also doesn't sleep, just drinks viso soda. I wonder about all of this. I don't know what to do. I can't think straight or make sense. Went downtown with a friend and kept noticing that I was inverting/combining words every 2 or 3 sentences. It kind of freaked me out. Not sure where exactly I stand on a lot of things. I hate that situations are never black and white or there's not an obvious "right" way to do things. I'm doing my best which is ok but I should do better. Every time I think I've gotten my shit straight, all these questions start popping into my head. I just want to clean out my mind but I don't know how. Need more mental discipline. I know I've been avoiding doing anything quiet by myself because all that leads to too much thinking but I have things to do and this is ridiculous. I just hope I'm not fucking everything up. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 2nd, 2005
6:19 pm	I went to Voo Doo Doughnuts at 2 a.m. with Maria and she photoshopped this. awww. She's probably the best friend I've made here. today she told me the story involving her, naked, in the trunk of a car being chased by police through some mountains in South America. It's nice having someone to talk to up here, it was frustrating not having anyone to talk to. Miss da Ben. Christmas break is going to be intense. Oh my. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
5:24 am	krasseevee kateonak... I now have a little less than 12 hours to write a dialog that is supposed to be loosely based on The Republic except that I've decided in my version it's going to be Satan and God discussing whether anyone is worth saving. They're planning the apocalypse and Satan is trying to convince God that it's not even worth bothering with the judgement and such because all people will ultimately pursue their own selfish interests the second they think that no one's eyes are on them. I may work Santa in there somewhere. It's going to be a masterpiece...and may possiblyb not make sense Haven't slept in...three days? Sunrises here are pretty but the weather is shit. Don't know. Keep forgetting what day of the week it is and turning up at the wrong class at the wrong time. Half the school thinks I've been on something constantly lately (which is ironic considering I've been working on a sub free week that may need to be a month). Keep getting questions along those lines. Did my russian poetry recitation. Blanked out on the second line and had to start over then forgot I was in front of a big group of people and was supposed to be reciting a poem and stared off into space for a few moments somewhere in the middle. It was fairly stressful and disorienting. Russian food is disgusting. Think I may be getting the flu or something. Been getting waves of nausea and migraines for the last day or two. Shivering a lot and might have a fever. I feel bruised all over but this may be partly due to the fact that I've been rough-housing too much and been getting my ass kicked. People can be a little rough on me. People say there's something abusable about me and I don't really understand why or how this is but I find it depressing. But I think it's more the dull "oh fuck I'm getting sick" ache... not sure what is going to happen after I turn in my paper...it will be getting pretty wild around here. But tests and exams coming up. I'm sort of scared but mostly apathetic. In russia, instead of Santa, they have Grandfather Frost and the Snow Maiden. I thoughst that was cool. I want a snegarochka costume... *disintegrates* Current Music: confused alarms of struggle and flight (2 Comments |Comment on this)